Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
As shirtless as possible
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
