Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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