I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
