my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
