um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
