Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
