It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
