I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
