So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
