Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
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