He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You made out with two different species that night
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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