and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
