grandma shit on top of the toilet
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
