a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We were destined to go to rehab together
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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