i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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