my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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