man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
