Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
