I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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