i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
