In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
