All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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