I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
