im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It's shark week go big or go home
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
