If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
