I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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