Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
