somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize