I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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