I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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