I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just found puke in my bra..
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
