There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
