Where did you get a picture of my penis
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize