I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
