dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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