Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
