I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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