she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
