Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
