it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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