I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
