If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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