she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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