eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
