My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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