Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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