I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
