I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
