I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
