I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
