Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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