Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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