he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
