im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
