The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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