I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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