I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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