genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Welp...herpes.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
