Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
