so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
