the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
