I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
