based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you would pick up someone in the library
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
