Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
