Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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