Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
