I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
