Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
