I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
