if you like me you must not know who I am
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
