I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
