Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
