I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I can't put those talents on a resume
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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